My Apologies
December 4, 2009
I know I don’t have a huge amount of followers on this blog but I have to admit I kind of forgot about it! In the past couple months I started 2 different blogs but admittedly they’ve kind of tanked.
I wanted to have a blog where I could write more specifically about other things in my life that just seemed less expat related. Mostly about weight loss, gastronomy in general and leading a healthier lifestyle (most of the time!!)
The thing is, my brain is so random that I can’t stick to just one topic so neither of them have really worked out.
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Moving on.
It seems like just yesterday I returned from my 6 week trip back home. As predicted I had a bit of a tough time transitioning to life back here. A huge goal of mine while I was home this summer was to really give myself some time and space to think. Mostly about where I wanted to be.
By the time about 3 weeks had passed I was missing my life in NL like crazy. Indeed, I had made life in Canada sound much better than it actually was (not to say that it’s bad)
I couldn’t wait to board the plane back to Amsterdam (and I HATE to fly!) and see my boys! While I was away Peter suffered a pretty severe injury just a few days before I was due to come back. It was hard being so far away and not being able to help out in some way.. so the first week or so back here was basically helping him get back to normal.
I’m happy to say that everything is 100% good with his health now! Another blow was that he was out of a job for quite a while and the fulltime search was getting us both down.
To make a long story short(er), there was a point in these last few months where I did decide to move back to Canada on my own. It never felt ‘right’ to me, but I just didn’t know what else to do in order to improve the situation. When things tend to get tough, I tend to bow out before they can get any worse, and I’m a bit ashamed to admit I was going to run away.
I knew it wasn’t really what I wanted though, and I knew that by the amount of sleep I was losing. As soon as I decided that I’m going to stick it out here I suddenly started sleeping through the night again!
Living away from my family is tough. Especially living so far away from my Mom. Living away from Peter would also be hard though, and at the end of the day I just have to take a deep breath and realise that it’s ok. It’s ok to miss my family and Canada. It doesn’t make me a bad person that I choose to live in a foreign country, because my intentions are good. I’ve always followed my heart, so why should now be any different?
